those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
