My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
