Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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