you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
