dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
