Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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