He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
