you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Randomize
