As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
