A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
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