Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
