There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
