Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Randomize
