The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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