He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
