Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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