a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
