The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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