Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Randomize
