When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
