Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
