He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
