She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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