I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Randomize
