If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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