I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
