you win again, gameday.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Your cock deserves a montage
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
