There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
