I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
