I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
He's a Shit stain on my heart
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
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