If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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