They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
