I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
