I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
