note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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