Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
