New low: just hacked my moms facebook
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
