if only i could text you this smell
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
