I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
