i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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