mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
how can u be prego again
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
