we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
