A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
