haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
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