I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
