I wish I could teleport
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
