I met the friendliest cop last night
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
