Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
