im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
