Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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