No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
